What is BDSM? Discover all the basics here!

Sex is something we only talk about among real friends. There is a taboo surrounding it and we think that should be broken. Especially when it comes to BDSM. But what does BDSM stand for? What exactly does it entail? And is it really as exciting as many claim?

Curious about BDSM? Discover everything you need to know about BDSM in this blog article.

Fifty Shades of Grey

If you’ve ever watched the fantastic series Fifty Shades of Grey, you probably have a certain idea or image of what BDSM entails. But how accurate is that image?

What exactly does BDSM mean?

BDSM is a very versatile world that includes much more than just the sadomasochistic scenes and wild situations that people often think of. SM – sadomasochism – is only one (small) part of a much larger whole. The abbreviation BDSM stands for:

• Bondage & Discipline
• Dominance & Submission
• Sadism & Masochism

Even within these main categories, there are many different practices, such as bondage, role playing, spanking, choking and more. And here comes the surprise… BDSM is not always just about sex.

In fact, for most people, BDSM isn't about sex at all. It's more about learning to trust each other, exploring boundaries together, and making a deeper connection with each other.

What makes BDSM unique?

The beautiful and unique thing about BDSM is that it is different for everyone. Each person gives it a different meaning. For some, it is about the thrill of control and surrender. Others find pleasure in the physical aspect, such as the feeling of a rope around your wrists or the sound of a whip.

What all forms have in common is that they are based on consent. Open communication, clear agreements and mutual respect are always central.

What is sadomasochism?

We briefly discussed SM at the beginning of this article. This well-known part of BDSM spontaneously pops into most people's minds when they try to form an image of BDSM.

So if you think that BDSM mainly involves spanking, (light) choking and that kind of acts, then you are thinking of the category SM.

This part of BDSM is mostly about taking pleasure in pain. This can be done in two different ways, namely hurting someone else/your partner (sadism) or being a slave and experiencing the pain yourself (masochism).

Although you might not expect it, the difference between pain and pleasure is very minimal. This is because the two areas of your brain responsible for these feelings are very close to each other.

Pain can also release endorphins. This is the well-known hormone that provides happiness and pleasure. Being given or receiving painful actions therefore provides - in a good setting and with the right agreements - a sexual pleasure. Unique, isn't it?

What is dominance and submission?

Dominance and submission, also known as powerplay, are parts of BDSM that revolve around control and trust. The idea is simple as pie: one person takes charge (the dom, or dominant), while the other person completely surrenders (the sub, or submissive).

The role of the dom is that of the leader: he/she sets the rules, gives orders and directs the game all the time. On the other hand, the sub voluntarily surrenders and lets go of control. This unique role-playing game is not only about power, but above all about trust!

What is bondage and discipline?

Bondage is mostly about physical actions. Think of tying up with ropes, chains and handcuffs. The idea is to literally take away someone's freedom of movement, which creates tension and excitement.

Here too, just like dominance, it's about obedience, rules and sometimes even punishment... It's all about how far you want to go!

How do you get started with BDSM?

For the newbies among us, we would also like to share how to get started with BDSM. For many people, it is an exciting and difficult step.

We recommend that you start with a light version of BDSM. This way you can try it out with your partner and feel if it is something for you. Of course, for this first time (and actually for all subsequent times) it is important that you do this with someone you trust completely.

"As is always the case with sex: communication is key!"

And with BDSM that is even more important. So first discuss together what you both want to do and what you expect from it. Discuss what you think is nice and indicate where your boundaries are. And we will discuss the golden rule separately in the next paragraph. Precisely because it is so important:

The golden rule: a safe word

There are several rules that you should follow in BDSM, but one of them really stands out: agree on a safe word before you start! Using it is essential for a pleasant experience for both partners. You can shout this special word when you want to stop or when your boundaries are being crossed. Because just because you are doing BDSM does not mean that you can no longer set boundaries.

Such a safe word can really be anything. However, we recommend that you choose a word that has nothing to do with sex, such as car or bike. Also notice how short these words are? This makes them easier to say when you are in pain. A word that is too long can possibly become complicated when you are in the middle of the act.

Make sure you both know in advance what the safe word is and that it means that you are taking an IMMEDIATE break.

So, that's it! Hopefully, after reading this blog post, you're completely up to speed on the world of BDSM and are inspired to try it out yourself with someone you trust completely.

Mr. Stiff

Mr. Stiff helps men achieve a healthier sex life. We do this by means of natural libido enhancers. In addition, we share knowledge and information about important aspects that can influence the sex life of men and women (both positively and negatively).